That is how long I have had bells palsy. I had hoped and prayed that by this point in my "recovery" that I would be back to my old smiling self. That unfortunately has not happened. After doing therapy, electronic acupuncture, tens therapy, countless facial massages, and seeing two different neurologists and I've had improvement but no complete recovery. My experience with the neurologists in Brunswick have taken two very complete stands on the situation. I had one tell me that I definitely had MS, which I completely do not have. (He closed his practice, so I'm thinking that he wasn't that reliable). The other neurologist told us that it will just go away and not to worry about it, he would see me in 6 months. (He moved his practice out of Brunswick the month I was suppose to go back to see him). To say I'm frustrated is an understatement. So, yesterday I went to the Neurological Department at the Mayo Clinic in hopes that they could offer me more than the other neurologists could. I tried to not get my hopes up with this appointment, but the Mayo is the best of the best and if anyone could have something for me, they would.
After waiting in the waiting room for 20 of the longest minutes every we met with the doctor. He was very nice and gave me the most thorough neurological exam that I have every had. He confirmed that I didn't have MS or any neurological disorders. I had a classic case of bells palsy brought on my difficult pregnancy. He then told us that by this point all of my nerves have most likely re-grown in my face, but have not taken the same path as they originally did. My recovery is most likely as good as it is going to get, which to me I hear...
You Will Not Be Getting Your Smile Back!
That is of course when the tears started. He continued to say that he is going to refer me to their plastic surgery department to see if they have anything that they can do. We agreed to meet with them on our next visit. Not sure if it will be covered by our insurance, but it's worth looking into. I never thought I would be the one going to talk to a plastic surgeon, that's not really my thing, but I guess this is a bit different than getting a tummy tuck or a boob job. :)
This feels like a devastating blow to my moral, not to mention my self confidence. I have a million different emotions going through my head and my heart.
Why Me? Why won't mine go away? What did I do to deserve this? I always felt my smile was my best feature and now what do I have? Why is this happening? I have worked so hard to loose 70 lbs., I'm the healthiest I've ever been, I'm exercising and have taken control of that, but none of that makes this better? I still have no control in this situation. This isn't fair!! Should I just give up hope? What is God's master plan in this situation? I'm so frustrated, angry, broken... but then there is another part of me that is trying desperately to put this all into perspective. This is not a life or death illness, I don't have cancer, I am healthy, I am so thankful that out of this I have the most precious and perfect little boy in he whole world. I'm emotionally all over the place.
In my effort to understand this all, I am thankful for such wonderful family and friends that understand what I'm going through and allow me to feel anyway I want to in the moment that I am in and support and uplift me. I am most thankful for my husband who has to deal with me day in and day out having good days and bad days. Who loves me no matter if I have my old smile back or not. I'm so thankful that my friends and family have hope, even in moments that I don't, that lift me up in prayers constantly. They are what are going to get me through this chapter of my life...smile or not...
